We’ve spent the last few posts learning how Thanatism can help us in our personal lives, but I don’t want to give a false impression–Thanatism can create spiritual problems for us as well as resolve them. The ever-me, although born from the error of self-centeredness, is a sophisticated mental construct. It not only protects us, but also conditions us to think in certain ways. Once we begin to understand and dismantle it, we will naturally experience new conflicts that before were hidden. To get a sense of some of these new conflicts, I’d like to explain how Thanatism can create new difficulties for each of our three temporal modes of existence.
As humans, our pasts can be difficult for us to accept. Because of this, many of us have developed fantasies that help us deal with past failures. The most obvious of these coping mechanisms that Thanatism makes untenable is the idea that we might get to redo our lives in some way. Unfortunately, we as Thanatists understand that life is a one-way street and that we can’t change what has already happened. Learning to accept and even appreciate this fact of life isn’t easy, and as a Thanatist, there is nowhere to hide.
Another favorite belief of the ever-me about the past is “I don’t have any regrets because everything I’ve done has made me who I am today.” The ever-me is never wrong and likes to see its past as an uninterrupted march toward the perfect being that it currently is. Once we discard this fantasy, although we can still appreciate the series of decisions that have made us who we are, we can in no way harbor any fantasies that we haven’t made mistakes. Learning to accept regret is in some ways hugely liberating. It can also, however, be difficult and painful.
Thanatism can also negatively affect the way we think about the present. As a Thanatist, it’s clear that this life is our one opportunity to live and that it is in fact an extremely small moment in time. Because of this, Thanatism tends to produce what I call “hyper-gravity”–that is the urge to maximize every moment. Once again, although it’s important to realize that we have but one life to live, trying to pack every moment with meaning is exhausting. We humans aren’t built for that. We need our downtime. We need to “waste” time. As Thanatists, particularly new ones, our desire to live each moment to its fullest can turn into pathological restlessness where we never allow ourselves to relax, and as Thanatists, we need to guard against this.
Finally, understanding that we have but one life to live can lead to decision paralysis when we try to plan for our future. Once we’ve accepted that decisions have consequences and that poor decisions can lead to real regret, it tends to make us a little more careful about making them. In general, this is a good thing, but we may find ourselves going through a phase where we’re so aware of the consequences of our actions, that we lose our ability to act altogether. As Thanatists, we need to develop the courage to act fully knowing that our actions have radical and often irreversible consequences for our lives.
Obviously, in sum, I believe Thanatism has made me a stronger and better person. I wouldn’t be writing this otherwise. Having said that, as you can see from the above, Thanatism isn’t a panacea. It creates tensions as well as resolving them. The question that you now have to ask yourself is, given what you now know about the good and the bad of Thanatism, is this something that might be right for you?
You don’t have to decide now. We’ll be spending some time looking at how Thanatism can transform our relationships with others as well as society as a whole. However, for those of you who’ve seen enough, and are ready for a new, more certain, and less afraid you, I want to spend the next few posts exploring what conversion means, and specifically, how you can join those of us who have already taken the first step into the darkest contours of the real.